The Effects of Slavery, Do I Know Who I Am?

Yesterday I didn't find out that I was responsible for doing obits until about noon. It was frustrating seeing as how I usually start them at 9 a.m. on the Saturday's that I work for Tiffany.

But as I started I ran across the name James R. Webb Jr., and I had to stop and take a deep breathe. The obit was submitted from a Little Rock funeral home but it said, that he was originally from Macon, Ga.

Growing up I've always felt as if a void existed in my life, from the lack of knowing about my family tree. Trice is my maiden last name, yet my knowledge of my grandfather's family is almost little or none. About three years ago I met some of my cousins, after we began the planning for an annual family reunion. I always wondered why after almost 20 years I had just met this people that I share a last name with.

My mom's side of the family isn't as bad. Every third Saturday in July for as long as I can remember has been our annual Cadwell/Burch Family Reunion. This has been the day that my family looks forward to, like a birthday or Christmas.

The Cadwell side comes from my mom's dad. His mother's maiden name was Cadwell, and it's a large part of who I know myself to be.

Getting back to the Webb Obit. I was named after my grandmother-my mom's mom. And her maiden name is Webb. The oldest living relative in her family is my grandmother's Uncle- James Webb Jr. So do you see why I was a little caught off guard? Thinking that I had just received an obit for my great-great uncle. That was a little distrubing.

As I read through it, names and cities started to match and I called my mom and really started to feel a little uneasy. After she spoke with my Aunt Eddie-my grandmother's sister, we had a little clarity.

My Great-Great Uncle James is the son of James Webb Sr., and he the son of my Great-Great-Great Grandfather who was a slave in Macon, Ga. and as was common, received his last name from his slave master.

I finally went to the funeral website and pulled up the picture of this man who I assumed was going to be tall, slender and with dark complexion. I was wrong. The picture of saw was of a 93-year-old bald white man, with a tan suite on.

I was a little relieved.But, we are sure that he is a member of the family that owned mine. Because of his age, he and my great-great grandfather would have known each other. He has children in Little Rock and I almost want to contact them. Just to sit down and learn more about my history.

But this made me wonder. Being in Arkansas everyone asks me if I'm related to these Trice's or those. I have no idea! My mommy can go back almost five generations on her father and mothers side. However, I don't even know where to look or begin.

I've asked my granddad at times about his brothers and sisters, and it's hard for him to name them all, due to deaths at a young age and just the effects of time.

I wonder sometimes, am I any less of a person, because I can not trace my roots back to even three generations?

Lena Horne, dies at 92.

"I wouldn't trade my life for anything, because being black made me understand." ~Lena Horne

Progression...Oh How It FeelZ So Good...

Hey everyone! Sitting here at my desk in the newsroom, staring at this "Arkansas Democrat-Gazette" hanging off the ceiling in front of me. It has been an interesting week. I'm so happy that Chad finally got a new car! It's great because I view everything as OURS :) Which means I don't have to rent a car to go to Regionals in Louisville, memorial day weekend. And, I no longer have to wake up a 6 a.m. to get dressed and take the MISTER to work before going in myself.

Today I officially stepped over the invisible boundary that somehow separated me from becoming my mommy. I've seen myself closely approaching the line as I change my daily habits. I now wake up at least 45 minutes to an hour early every morning. My routine goes a little like this:

• Use the bathroom
• Do 200 situps (did 280 this morning)
  
• Let Zeus out to use the bathroom
• Pick up Dishes in the living room
• Do dishes/clean kitchen
• Change the clothes from the washer to dryer, put in a new load in the washer, and fold up any loads that may be dry
• Get in the shower
• Wake-up Chad
• Get Dressed
• Begin rushing to get something to eat, let Zeus eat, grab my lunch and out the door we go

Growing up I use to wonder why my mom woke up sooooo early in the morning to only start cleaning. I told myself I was going to sleep in until the last minute, so all I had to do was take a shower, get dressed and get in the car. Now I'm slowly but surely starting to become Donna Jean. This morning it was official. I made some gumbo this weekend, which surprisingly was still in the refrigerator this morning. My inside voice said, "I am not about to throw this good food out". So what did I do? I put the rest in some tupperware and put it in the freezer.

At that moment that I closed my freezer, I had unknowingly stepped onto the other side. My mom and I are only an inch apart in height (not saying who is taller ), and the older I get and the more pictures that I see of her when she was younger the more I see how closely we resemble each other.

When I was little I saw a video tape of my mom on a talk show. The topic was "I'm turning into my mother" or something like that. It's funny to me that she saw her mother in her, and I'm doing the same. I think it's even more special since I never had the opportunity to meet my g-ma.

...... I sent all my mother's day cards out a week early (on purpose) I didn't want to wait until the last minute......

On Wednesday I had a 1A story in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. It's crazy to me how a newspaper can have such a monopoly over a State. It's the largest, and all the other smaller one's seemed to be owned by the same company. I appreciate this story not because it was on the front page, but because it put that hunger and desire back in me to write.

For so long I've wanted to write for a magazine, knowing that I may have to start at a newspaper first. But, since I had been focusing on graduation and Zeta I hadn't had to real opportunity to get another internship after my summer in VA. I needed that article, not to just add another byline to my scrap book. But, to remind me where I want to be and what I'm happy doing.

I enjoy working with youth and I've been going back and forth on whether I want to go to grad school to get my masters in higher education or a media related field. I think I just need to get involved with some type of youth/mentor program, and continue to follow my heart. Because if I don't work for Ebony one day.....too many people will be able to say I told ya so.

And, the one thing that has always motivated Evangerline Trice, was proving others wrong. Not, because I want to make them look "silly". But, because it allows me to step beyond what I think my "limitations" really are and excel.

......I think I want a new tattoo..... on my foot.... but I think I'll wait....

....I'm still on my natural transition journey...my blackberry is on crack, so I can't use my camera...but I'll put updated pics up soon!...My LS Court is going to add some color for me when I go to Regionals...EXCITED!..

...I've being seeing the Lord opening up doors....I've just had to have patience! Chad told me that when I don't see things going my way I spas out!.....Note to self...calm down...

Uppity Negro

I realized a few weeks ago when I walked into my first doctor's office in Little Rock that I am none other than an Uppity Negro. I am the light skin black girl who dislikes slang, sloppiness, and rooms that make me feel as if I'm in a free clinic. I don't necessarily think I'm better than others I just feel that I desire more and higher quality things.

I sat in the waiting room on my day off, frustrated because I had broke out into hives, yes I know it sounds terrible. But the red welt marks that stretched across every part of my body except my face apparently appeared as a result of stress. My appointment was at 10 a.m. and I sat there looking around at a room full of Black patients and little kids running around, with only two or three empty chairs remaining.

I pulled out my phone, sent a text to my Auntie Marcie, my LS Courtney, my Sister and the hubby that read, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH I'm sitting in the doctors office, it's too many negros in here, I am a light skin bougie female I can't handle this!"

The replies, were as hilarious and ridiculous as my text. Courtney's pro-black reply consisted of a series of hahahahahaha's and my aunt's, "you may need to find a doctor outside the city", didn't seem to calm the situation much.

At 11:45 a.m. when the nurse finally called me behind the heavy locked doors that lead to the examination room I realized that this experience was significantly different that those at my Fremont, Michigan Pine Medical waiting room with the colorful play school castle and toys in one corner and the nicely cushioned wooden chairs.

And, now that I catch myself repeating my sentences to correct the way I elongated one of my vowels (refusing to attach myself to any type of a southern accent), and correcting my facial expression (of scrunched-up eyebrows and a flared nose like my LS ResaJean) after I read a message that has the words, "nut'n, cha or dat" in it, make me realize that I've enjoyed the privileges of growing up in upper middle class communities.

I was the Black girl competing to show all white teachers and students that I was more than adequate. I was the light skin girl on the University of Michigan's campus' that didn't bit my tongue and was involved in everything that I could be.

I've only associated with those who were like minded. Coming from a P.W.I., the "black folks" all think they are better than the next. I don't like being around people who aren't concerned with bettering themselves. Coming to Arkansas wasn't a serious culture shock, but oh my how we do things differently in the North. Yes, I am Yankie and I'm proud of it!

Not to down everyone from Arkansas, so for any of you reading this please do not get offended. But, simply re-reading messages before you send them is important.

90 YearZ!

I'm a few days behind... But Saturday, Jan. 16 was a great day! I along with over 500,000 of my SororZ celebrated 90 years of Scholarship, Service, Sisterly Love and Finer Womanhood.

Happy Belated Founders' Day to all of the Illustrious LadieZ of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority Inc., especially those of Gamma Delta Chapter!

So, I'm learning to bite my tongue this week. And, just asking God for continue strength and blessings...

Freedom....

So, I've officially decided to go natural! Yes, I'll still be doing the occasional flat irons but my hair is so much thicker once I took my braids out. I feel like by being natural you have so many more options for hair styles and the Lord knows I have some bad hair days... I'm going to wait until after Christmas and put my yarn braids back in... I loved them and now I know I can go at least a month without wanting to take them down..... I'm just worried b/c I know I have to find a good stylist because I sweat really bad in my head...

Just made an appointment with my LS to get my hair done at her school... she does a good job and I know she's even better now that she's being trained... I really just wanna go so I can show the white people that she knows how to do black hair....

I've been doing a lot, trying to get things together for the undergrads for the Great Lakes Regional Conference....yes it seems so far away but I want to be on top on everything. I'm frustrated b/c I've been trying to finish these roster for months and I'm still waiting on information from two states!!!! grrrrr..... I see why I've always been bad at team work...I don't like depending on others for my outcome and I need to work on my patience (although I'm usually a lot more patient than others)

So....I miss home....I'm getting our plane tickets home to MI for Christmas on Friday! Tomorrow is my brothers 28th b-day..he's getting old but sadly that means I am too.... I love him so much and I hope he has a great day...I gotta put his card in the mail..I know I always wait until the last minute!

Racism or Anti-America???

Obama's handshake ignored in Russia!

http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1C_NWMRs8Q