The Black Cat

It's been so long since I opened this site back up, and decided to let my thoughts pour out onto the keyboard. 

After thumbing through my abundance of post, it definitely seems that when I left Arkansas in 2011, I also left behind my desire to write because I couldn't find a journalism position in Texas. I see the beauty in that confusion and I realize how it helped to birth an entirely different part of myself that was hiding behind dead skin. 

The past 10-years have been as far from easy as the Earth from the Sun, but I've made it! 

Through my divorce, failed relationship with my children's father, and changing careers I have truly demonstrated my resilience and grit. 

After some trying days as I journey toward a few career advancements and as I prepare to begin my M.Ed. classes once again in June, I could tell that this COVID-19 pandemic is genuinely taking a toll on my spirit. 

This morning I walked into my kitchen and looked into the back yard only to see a small black cat lounged on my patio table. After a year and a half of living in this house, I had never seen this random black cat that had found his way into my gated sanctuary. He stared at me, I stared back, I boldly asked him what he was doing as if I were Dr. Doolittle himself, and then he looked back as if he was telling me that I knew why he was there. 

Since I am the self-proclaimed, "Google Queen", I quickly began searching "Black Cats Outside My Window". According to the post I read, "The Symbolic meaning of cats is that of protection and guardianship." 

I wouldn't necessarily consider symbolic-meanings.com as the most reputable source, but as I scrolled down further I read, "The appearance of these cats is also very promising because it tells me that you and your family are protected against energy that may thwart you from launching new ideas.  You all are guarded against trivial, bothersome set-backs."

Last night I sat in my car in the driveway solo, listening to the radio with my bottle of wine, feeling as if I was reliving some "Waiting to Exhale/Angel Basset" movie, and yelled out to God asking him, "WHY!?!" 

I might be slightly dramatic, but when you're approaching 33 and have a tendency to measure yourself based on your accomplishments, you often have random outtakes after self-reflection moments. 

This morning as I attempted to redirect myself with a workout, I peddled on and begin watching, "The Photograph." The opening scene pans to an artist being interviewed. As they begin, she's asked what she enjoyed about New York, "I like my work...I like being a mother," she hesitated and looked into the distance clearly disturbed by her inner voice. The off-camera interviewer then asks, "What are you thinking?" and then she replies, "I wish I was as good at love as I am at working, I wish I didn't leave people behind so often." 

A chill ran through my body because just hours before I mumbled nearly those exact words on the telephone. My career has been what I had a grip on over the past years...however, the later... is like a ship lost at sea.

At this moment looking back, I think the Black Cat might just be protecting me from me. 

Traditional Gender Roles in the Black Home

   Growing up I watched re-runs of I Love Lucy, I Dream of Jeannie, and Leave it to Beaver, pretty much all the Nick at Night specials. The common theme that existed throughout each of them was that the man was the head of the household and the breadwinner. The woman remained at home as her husband left for the day, helped take care of the kids, did the grocery shopping, and had dinner ready when he returned home. She fit perfectly into the traditional gender roles of a woman— the Victorian ideal of a woman.

   Each year as school ended and vacation began, I left my small town of White Cloud, Mich., spending nearly my entire summer in Detroit with my grandparents. My summer time experiences had a great influence on the woman I am today. Each morning I listened as my granddaddy got up at 5 a.m. to get ready for his school bus route, each afternoon I watched as my grandma prepared lunch and dinner; after dinner my granddaddy would sit with his Pepsi Cola, then proceed into the kitchen and wash the dishes— just as he had when my daddy was my age. Sunday mornings before church she would cook breakfast which always consisted of homemade biscuits, all while holding onto at least one of her crutches.  I thought my grandma was superwoman and my granddad was the luckiest man on earth. They were the perfect couple, never calling each other by their first names, always referring to each other as ‘Hunny’ and ‘Lady’.

   Growing up both my parents worked full time jobs. Some days my mommy would come home and cook a full meal, other days we may throw something quick in the oven, or eat out of our supply of chicken, beef, or oriental ramen noodles; which my brother and I had gotten down to the exact science, with our outrageous combinations. So you may be able to sense my daddy’s struggle, growing up with a mother who cooked at least two meals a day, to marrying a working woman, who still made sure her children were cared for, but may have not cooked but once or twice during the week and on the weekends.

   As society has progressed, the traditional gender roles that once filled our households have changed, stretching to conform to our daily lives. Black women are beginning to climb the corporate ladder. We are graduating from college at higher rates and earning more than our counter parts. But, what do we do when financially, we become the breadwinners for our families? What do we do in the event that our black man becomes unemployed, and we become the sole provider for our family? How is our relationship impacted when there is now a struggle in the black home when it comes to defining the traditional gender roles we were taught as a child?

   I’ve learned that highly educated Black women have a harder time finding a mate, because we struggle with the obstacle of finding someone who may be as equally educated. After graduating from the University of Michigan, I realized that it molded our small black community into becoming uppity. Many of us flash our Maize and Blue degree and think that we were better than others. And, I admit at times that I do think highly of myself, but then I begin to think back to my parents and my grandparents. Reality is I had to push my degree off its 5’1” pedestal and admit to myself that, I’m willing to overcome this obstacle. I refuse to allow my education to block the blessing that the Lord has in store for me.  I think it’s okay if traditional gender roles do not exist in my home. I’m not willing to lower my standards of what I expect from the man God has placed in my life. Yet, I understand that I may be the one who earns more financially, because of my degree, but I’m willing to support my man, letting him still wear the pants. The days of the Leave it to Beaver lifestyle was great then. But today with the percentage of highly educated Black women who remain single, I don’t think these ideal roles still have a place in the black home.

Progression Continues

It's been a while, since I last updated my blog, I apologize! There has been so much going on.

I started my new job, as the General Assignment Reporter for the The Sentinel-Record a newspaper located in Hot Springs, Ark.

I interviewed DICK VAN DYKE last week!! Yes, the "Nick at Night Man"  himself...lol

That is what I called him when my editor asked me if I wanted to do the interview, everyone laughed. But that's how I know him, and it just proved that I'm definitely the youngest person in our newsroom. 

I'm also the News Page Editors for ink Magazine. It's a online mag committed to the voice of Arkansas' African American community.

I realized that my first articles for three out of the four newspapers that I have worked for, have been on 1A/the front page. I believe that is something to send up a praise for.

It's been a rough year since I graduated from UofM, but God continues to prove himself amazing. I'll be going home this weekend for my family reunion. A little sad that Chad won't be going with me. But I'm too happy to see my parents, family and blue & white.

Hopefully Blue ComplexZity will be able to get together and have a little sister time!

Lightening Destroys Jesus Statue in Ohio

The statue that has grasp travelers attention on I-75 outside of Cincinnati, Ohio since 2004, was stuck by lightening on Monday. All that remained of the 6-story statue of Jesus Christ with his arms lifted toward heaven, was its steel-frame.

It's strange how this $250,000 symbol of salvation and redemption, was destroyed through burning.


The Columbus Dispatch's Article (Click to Read)

Sports, Drugs & Rapping...

   Two weeks ago I received a friend request on facebook. I was excited to see that it was a friend of mine from middle school, that I hadn't spoken with in almost five years.

   Lately we've been talking on fb chat while we're at work, and it's nice catching up on each others lives. I'm proud of him because he's really pursuing his rapping career, which I knew he really enjoyed. He gave me a mix tape back in the 7th grade! 

   As I was reading his bio on his label's site, and I was frustrated. I feel as if all Black men who have a desire to be an M.C., have this same generic life story. Granted it may be true, but it's depressing, and it starts a little like this: Young "Malcolm" grew up without a father and was raised by the streets. He desired to be the next Michael Jordan, but knew he had to make money and wanted to flash nice rings, and chains like the men he saw in his neighborhood. School wasn't the answer and Malcolm turned to selling drugs.

   This post is not to disrespect anyone, but as a Black women it makes my heart hurt. I want better for our men, for our brothers, our uncles and our sons. I want the path that leads toward becoming an M.C., a doctor, a lawyer or a professional athlete, not be be one of a hard life. 

   If raised by single mothers, I want them to be strong women, who tell their young Black sons, they can be anything they desire. Not that they will be just like their no good fathers.

   I read an article a few weeks ago on how rich kids like Diggy and Drake were taking over the "game", replacing artist, that really had a story of a struggle to tell. 

   Is that what Hip Hop and being an M.C. is all about? In order to have credibility and to have the ability to truly rhyme, you must have come from "nothing"?

  Reality is that some will have this life that is painted on television by the media (of which I am a part of), but I just hope that these same people desire more for their children. 

   My friend has a son, who by the way is adorable from the pictures I've seen. It's nice to hear him talk about him, and how someone so small has had such a grand impact on his life.

   If it is true, that rich kids are taking over the game, I wonder if it has anything to do with their parents making a change. Are parents like "Malcolm" wanting more for the one's that had such a huge impact on their lives. And are they refusing to allow them to live that same rough life that they rhymed about so many years ago? 

   If that is the case, has Hip Hop lost its originality?

Rue McClanahan dies at 76

I remember watching Golden Girls re-runs since I was 10-years-old, if not younger. I still catch myself watching the episodes on Lifetime, over and over again, some that I've already seen. For those of us who enjoy the saucy older women, who live together, we could always catch a laugh, at whatever Blanche Deveraux had planned for her new "man friend". This morning Rue McClanahan (Blanche) past away from a stroke. Below is a link for more information. However, her death will definitely not stop me from watching one of my favorite t.v. shows.

'Golden Girls' star Rue McClanahan dies from stroke; Betty White last surviving member of TV show

The Effects of Slavery, Do I Know Who I Am?

Yesterday I didn't find out that I was responsible for doing obits until about noon. It was frustrating seeing as how I usually start them at 9 a.m. on the Saturday's that I work for Tiffany.

But as I started I ran across the name James R. Webb Jr., and I had to stop and take a deep breathe. The obit was submitted from a Little Rock funeral home but it said, that he was originally from Macon, Ga.

Growing up I've always felt as if a void existed in my life, from the lack of knowing about my family tree. Trice is my maiden last name, yet my knowledge of my grandfather's family is almost little or none. About three years ago I met some of my cousins, after we began the planning for an annual family reunion. I always wondered why after almost 20 years I had just met this people that I share a last name with.

My mom's side of the family isn't as bad. Every third Saturday in July for as long as I can remember has been our annual Cadwell/Burch Family Reunion. This has been the day that my family looks forward to, like a birthday or Christmas.

The Cadwell side comes from my mom's dad. His mother's maiden name was Cadwell, and it's a large part of who I know myself to be.

Getting back to the Webb Obit. I was named after my grandmother-my mom's mom. And her maiden name is Webb. The oldest living relative in her family is my grandmother's Uncle- James Webb Jr. So do you see why I was a little caught off guard? Thinking that I had just received an obit for my great-great uncle. That was a little distrubing.

As I read through it, names and cities started to match and I called my mom and really started to feel a little uneasy. After she spoke with my Aunt Eddie-my grandmother's sister, we had a little clarity.

My Great-Great Uncle James is the son of James Webb Sr., and he the son of my Great-Great-Great Grandfather who was a slave in Macon, Ga. and as was common, received his last name from his slave master.

I finally went to the funeral website and pulled up the picture of this man who I assumed was going to be tall, slender and with dark complexion. I was wrong. The picture of saw was of a 93-year-old bald white man, with a tan suite on.

I was a little relieved.But, we are sure that he is a member of the family that owned mine. Because of his age, he and my great-great grandfather would have known each other. He has children in Little Rock and I almost want to contact them. Just to sit down and learn more about my history.

But this made me wonder. Being in Arkansas everyone asks me if I'm related to these Trice's or those. I have no idea! My mommy can go back almost five generations on her father and mothers side. However, I don't even know where to look or begin.

I've asked my granddad at times about his brothers and sisters, and it's hard for him to name them all, due to deaths at a young age and just the effects of time.

I wonder sometimes, am I any less of a person, because I can not trace my roots back to even three generations?

Lena Horne, dies at 92.

"I wouldn't trade my life for anything, because being black made me understand." ~Lena Horne

Progression...Oh How It FeelZ So Good...

Hey everyone! Sitting here at my desk in the newsroom, staring at this "Arkansas Democrat-Gazette" hanging off the ceiling in front of me. It has been an interesting week. I'm so happy that Chad finally got a new car! It's great because I view everything as OURS :) Which means I don't have to rent a car to go to Regionals in Louisville, memorial day weekend. And, I no longer have to wake up a 6 a.m. to get dressed and take the MISTER to work before going in myself.

Today I officially stepped over the invisible boundary that somehow separated me from becoming my mommy. I've seen myself closely approaching the line as I change my daily habits. I now wake up at least 45 minutes to an hour early every morning. My routine goes a little like this:

• Use the bathroom
• Do 200 situps (did 280 this morning)
  
• Let Zeus out to use the bathroom
• Pick up Dishes in the living room
• Do dishes/clean kitchen
• Change the clothes from the washer to dryer, put in a new load in the washer, and fold up any loads that may be dry
• Get in the shower
• Wake-up Chad
• Get Dressed
• Begin rushing to get something to eat, let Zeus eat, grab my lunch and out the door we go

Growing up I use to wonder why my mom woke up sooooo early in the morning to only start cleaning. I told myself I was going to sleep in until the last minute, so all I had to do was take a shower, get dressed and get in the car. Now I'm slowly but surely starting to become Donna Jean. This morning it was official. I made some gumbo this weekend, which surprisingly was still in the refrigerator this morning. My inside voice said, "I am not about to throw this good food out". So what did I do? I put the rest in some tupperware and put it in the freezer.

At that moment that I closed my freezer, I had unknowingly stepped onto the other side. My mom and I are only an inch apart in height (not saying who is taller ), and the older I get and the more pictures that I see of her when she was younger the more I see how closely we resemble each other.

When I was little I saw a video tape of my mom on a talk show. The topic was "I'm turning into my mother" or something like that. It's funny to me that she saw her mother in her, and I'm doing the same. I think it's even more special since I never had the opportunity to meet my g-ma.

...... I sent all my mother's day cards out a week early (on purpose) I didn't want to wait until the last minute......

On Wednesday I had a 1A story in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. It's crazy to me how a newspaper can have such a monopoly over a State. It's the largest, and all the other smaller one's seemed to be owned by the same company. I appreciate this story not because it was on the front page, but because it put that hunger and desire back in me to write.

For so long I've wanted to write for a magazine, knowing that I may have to start at a newspaper first. But, since I had been focusing on graduation and Zeta I hadn't had to real opportunity to get another internship after my summer in VA. I needed that article, not to just add another byline to my scrap book. But, to remind me where I want to be and what I'm happy doing.

I enjoy working with youth and I've been going back and forth on whether I want to go to grad school to get my masters in higher education or a media related field. I think I just need to get involved with some type of youth/mentor program, and continue to follow my heart. Because if I don't work for Ebony one day.....too many people will be able to say I told ya so.

And, the one thing that has always motivated Evangerline Trice, was proving others wrong. Not, because I want to make them look "silly". But, because it allows me to step beyond what I think my "limitations" really are and excel.

......I think I want a new tattoo..... on my foot.... but I think I'll wait....

....I'm still on my natural transition journey...my blackberry is on crack, so I can't use my camera...but I'll put updated pics up soon!...My LS Court is going to add some color for me when I go to Regionals...EXCITED!..

...I've being seeing the Lord opening up doors....I've just had to have patience! Chad told me that when I don't see things going my way I spas out!.....Note to self...calm down...

Uppity Negro

I realized a few weeks ago when I walked into my first doctor's office in Little Rock that I am none other than an Uppity Negro. I am the light skin black girl who dislikes slang, sloppiness, and rooms that make me feel as if I'm in a free clinic. I don't necessarily think I'm better than others I just feel that I desire more and higher quality things.

I sat in the waiting room on my day off, frustrated because I had broke out into hives, yes I know it sounds terrible. But the red welt marks that stretched across every part of my body except my face apparently appeared as a result of stress. My appointment was at 10 a.m. and I sat there looking around at a room full of Black patients and little kids running around, with only two or three empty chairs remaining.

I pulled out my phone, sent a text to my Auntie Marcie, my LS Courtney, my Sister and the hubby that read, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH I'm sitting in the doctors office, it's too many negros in here, I am a light skin bougie female I can't handle this!"

The replies, were as hilarious and ridiculous as my text. Courtney's pro-black reply consisted of a series of hahahahahaha's and my aunt's, "you may need to find a doctor outside the city", didn't seem to calm the situation much.

At 11:45 a.m. when the nurse finally called me behind the heavy locked doors that lead to the examination room I realized that this experience was significantly different that those at my Fremont, Michigan Pine Medical waiting room with the colorful play school castle and toys in one corner and the nicely cushioned wooden chairs.

And, now that I catch myself repeating my sentences to correct the way I elongated one of my vowels (refusing to attach myself to any type of a southern accent), and correcting my facial expression (of scrunched-up eyebrows and a flared nose like my LS ResaJean) after I read a message that has the words, "nut'n, cha or dat" in it, make me realize that I've enjoyed the privileges of growing up in upper middle class communities.

I was the Black girl competing to show all white teachers and students that I was more than adequate. I was the light skin girl on the University of Michigan's campus' that didn't bit my tongue and was involved in everything that I could be.

I've only associated with those who were like minded. Coming from a P.W.I., the "black folks" all think they are better than the next. I don't like being around people who aren't concerned with bettering themselves. Coming to Arkansas wasn't a serious culture shock, but oh my how we do things differently in the North. Yes, I am Yankie and I'm proud of it!

Not to down everyone from Arkansas, so for any of you reading this please do not get offended. But, simply re-reading messages before you send them is important.

90 YearZ!

I'm a few days behind... But Saturday, Jan. 16 was a great day! I along with over 500,000 of my SororZ celebrated 90 years of Scholarship, Service, Sisterly Love and Finer Womanhood.

Happy Belated Founders' Day to all of the Illustrious LadieZ of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority Inc., especially those of Gamma Delta Chapter!

So, I'm learning to bite my tongue this week. And, just asking God for continue strength and blessings...

Freedom....

So, I've officially decided to go natural! Yes, I'll still be doing the occasional flat irons but my hair is so much thicker once I took my braids out. I feel like by being natural you have so many more options for hair styles and the Lord knows I have some bad hair days... I'm going to wait until after Christmas and put my yarn braids back in... I loved them and now I know I can go at least a month without wanting to take them down..... I'm just worried b/c I know I have to find a good stylist because I sweat really bad in my head...

Just made an appointment with my LS to get my hair done at her school... she does a good job and I know she's even better now that she's being trained... I really just wanna go so I can show the white people that she knows how to do black hair....

I've been doing a lot, trying to get things together for the undergrads for the Great Lakes Regional Conference....yes it seems so far away but I want to be on top on everything. I'm frustrated b/c I've been trying to finish these roster for months and I'm still waiting on information from two states!!!! grrrrr..... I see why I've always been bad at team work...I don't like depending on others for my outcome and I need to work on my patience (although I'm usually a lot more patient than others)

So....I miss home....I'm getting our plane tickets home to MI for Christmas on Friday! Tomorrow is my brothers 28th b-day..he's getting old but sadly that means I am too.... I love him so much and I hope he has a great day...I gotta put his card in the mail..I know I always wait until the last minute!

Racism or Anti-America???

Obama's handshake ignored in Russia!

http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1C_NWMRs8Q

Continued Success.....

I'm sitting here with a smile on my face. I'm so happy that I made this decision to move. Week #1 is complete and I have no reason to look back. Everything is going just right! I prayed on this move for a while and I'm happy that everything was clear before I drove 14 hours away from home!!! The drive was crazy long, but surprisingly I didn't really get tired until I got here. Zeus was so ready for it to be over though. The apartment is nice...I'm just in need of a couch!!!! And other little accessories...but Zeus loves it as well....pictures to come!

My other half and I are doing great. I guess when you've known someone since you were 15 years old and they seem to be "roots" like Madea says in your life, you know it's meant to be. We were discussing how girls change their last names on FB to their "boos/bf" or hyphenate them. I told him I'm not changing it until I say "I do". He's been on this "speak things as they will be/speak them into existance" jump lately. I can't complain about that...all I know is that I'm not running anymore. He told me two years ago that I was going to be his wife and I can admit I was scared but, when you leave things in Gods hands it's turns out AMAZING! I think about my fantasy wedding day and all the planning that goes with it.....definitely waiting on that special moment.

I'm going to miss my Sorors in MI/Great Lakes so much. I love Zeta but it's definitely different depending on your Region. I think my Sorors and I at home understand that a lot of young females coming to college aren't always informed about Zeta so we make sure we're out in our communities and on campus showing them that Zeta is the best Sorority. It's a little different here....the Sorors that I've meet have been really nice, but it's just different than home. My LS's Court and Aleesa told me that I can be of help, to maybe give them that inspiration or push to do more. And, I hope that I can be.

But Great Newz....I'm really getting everything in order to possibly run for Nat'l 3rd Anti. Excited b/c I was determined to get Soror Foster's (20th Grand Basileus of Zeta) contact info when we were at Regionals in MN this past April. She not only paid for half of my Z.O.L. Registration but she's now adopted me and my future in Zeta looks so bright!

This is when being far from home comes into play....my brothers g-pa passed away this past week. I really wish I could be there for him during his rough time. I remember when my g-ma past away he was there for me and comforted me. Just like a big brother should...growing up together Norman and I have always gone to each other when things were hectic...I just wish I could give him a hug and tell him I love him and everything will be okay!

I'm praying for my sister and her fam...I'm not sure if everyone knows but there was really bad flooding in Atlanta this past week. She's busy stripping the whole first floor of her house since it was basically underwater.

My new beginning...yes my mommy was right! But, I'm still so ready for it. I talked to Donna Jean today..she's been sick for almost two weeks. Instead of my mommy taking cough medicine she's been making her own "old school" remedy. I say she's just been getting tipsy...lol... my mom is the BEST I love her to death she's so silly....

AMAZING!!

I'm promising myself that I'm going to continue to update my blog....

But, I'm exhausted so here's a list of things I need to discuss tomorrow after church

1. The Move
2. "Him" (Speaking things into existence and looking at dresses)
3. How much I'm going to miss my SororZ from MI/ Great Lakes
4. The New Apartment (sort of included in the move)
5. The fact that I wish I could be with my brother during this rough time
6. My prayers for my family in ATL
7. My new beginning...yes my mommy was right! But, I'm still so ready for it.

The Storm

I write these blogs knowing that most likely no one is reading them. But, it helps to get my thoughts out.

Lately things have been running through my mind non-stop and I worry about how I'm going to get everything accomplished. I found the biggest, darkest piece of gray hair in my head the other day when I was curling my hair and I knew that it was all because of my stress.

I'm worried about how I'm paying for fall, what I'm going to do about my broken car, how my bills are going to get paid, etc. Sometimes it feels like when the sun is just coming out a cloud approaches.

My buddy made it clear to me the other day, My blessings and my deliverance can't come without a storm. In church today, the minister discussed how God has to break us down sometimes in order to build us back up. I'm taking this as my storm, and God knows I've been broken. Thursday when my car went out all I could do was let a tear fall and tell myself that I had to believe in God.

I have to remember that if God said it was so then it is so, he told me that I was going to get my degree from UofM, and I know he didn't bring me to my Senior year for me not to be able to finish because of $. I've had a roof over my head for nearly 21 years and I know God isn't going to fail me now....I just have to trust in him....and continue to put my faith in him and I know I'll be alright.

The other day I had to put things in perspective.....life could be worse.....

I'm thankful for God's mercy, and for his love, and for the people that he's put in my life.

House by the Side of the Road

Samual Walter Foss
public domain 1899

THERE are hermit souls that live withdrawn
In the place of their self-content;
There are souls like stars, that dwell apart,
In a fellowless firmament;
There are pioneer souls that blaze the paths
Where highways never ran-
But let me live by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

Let me live in a house by the side of the road
Where the race of men go by-
The men who are good and the men who are bad,
As good and as bad as I.
I would not sit in the scorner's seat
Nor hurl the cynic's ban-
Let me live in a house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

I see from my house by the side of the road
By the side of the highway of life,
The men who press with the ardor of hope,
The men who are faint with the strife,
But I turn not away from their smiles and tears,
Both parts of an infinite plan-
Let me live in a house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

I know there are brook-gladdened meadows ahead,
And mountains of wearisome height;
That the road passes on through the long afternoon
And stretches away to the night.
And still I rejoice when the travelers rejoice
And weep with the strangers that moan,
Nor live in my house by the side of the road
Like a man who dwells alone.

Let me live in my house by the side of the road,
Where the race of men go by-
They are good, they are bad, they are weak, they are strong,
Wise, foolish - so am I.
Then why should I sit in the scorner's seat,
Or hurl the cynic's ban?
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
And be a friend to man.

My Path...

I had to take a week to separate myself from everything else and I think it went pretty well.... I've been so content for almost three weeks now. I put my situation in God's hands and believed in him...and knew that I had to have patience.
I want people to understand that the point I am at in my life right now, I had to begin making decision for me, rather than others. I was at a point where I constantly worried about how my actions would affect others. I thank everyone who has contributed to helping me become the woman that I am today. But, as Madea says it "some people are only in your life for a season" and for many their season has ended.
I believe God, has showed me some real things these past few weeks, and I just have to continue to be strong through this transition.... and I know that if I continue to look ahead the benefits will be AMAZING....

Freedom

I feel like a huge load has been lifted off of me....for so long I was holding onto grudges that were only making life more difficult for me. And, I've been able to see how far I've drifted from the old Van. I do admit not all of my changes have been bad but I needed to get back to the basics.

I'm thanking God right now because my finances have been really rough but I have an interview on Monday and my financial aid is being taken care of so I know I'm blessed.