Growing up I watched re-runs of I Love Lucy, I Dream of Jeannie, and Leave it to Beaver, pretty much all the Nick at Night specials. The common theme that existed throughout each of them was that the man was the head of the household and the breadwinner. The woman remained at home as her husband left for the day, helped take care of the kids, did the grocery shopping, and had dinner ready when he returned home. She fit perfectly into the traditional gender roles of a woman— the Victorian ideal of a woman.
Each year as school ended and vacation began, I left my small town of White Cloud, Mich., spending nearly my entire summer in Detroit with my grandparents. My summer time experiences had a great influence on the woman I am today. Each morning I listened as my granddaddy got up at 5 a.m. to get ready for his school bus route, each afternoon I watched as my grandma prepared lunch and dinner; after dinner my granddaddy would sit with his Pepsi Cola, then proceed into the kitchen and wash the dishes— just as he had when my daddy was my age. Sunday mornings before church she would cook breakfast which always consisted of homemade biscuits, all while holding onto at least one of her crutches. I thought my grandma was superwoman and my granddad was the luckiest man on earth. They were the perfect couple, never calling each other by their first names, always referring to each other as ‘Hunny’ and ‘Lady’.
Growing up both my parents worked full time jobs. Some days my mommy would come home and cook a full meal, other days we may throw something quick in the oven, or eat out of our supply of chicken, beef, or oriental ramen noodles; which my brother and I had gotten down to the exact science, with our outrageous combinations. So you may be able to sense my daddy’s struggle, growing up with a mother who cooked at least two meals a day, to marrying a working woman, who still made sure her children were cared for, but may have not cooked but once or twice during the week and on the weekends.
As society has progressed, the traditional gender roles that once filled our households have changed, stretching to conform to our daily lives. Black women are beginning to climb the corporate ladder. We are graduating from college at higher rates and earning more than our counter parts. But, what do we do when financially, we become the breadwinners for our families? What do we do in the event that our black man becomes unemployed, and we become the sole provider for our family? How is our relationship impacted when there is now a struggle in the black home when it comes to defining the traditional gender roles we were taught as a child?
I’ve learned that highly educated Black women have a harder time finding a mate, because we struggle with the obstacle of finding someone who may be as equally educated. After graduating from the University of Michigan, I realized that it molded our small black community into becoming uppity. Many of us flash our Maize and Blue degree and think that we were better than others. And, I admit at times that I do think highly of myself, but then I begin to think back to my parents and my grandparents. Reality is I had to push my degree off its 5’1” pedestal and admit to myself that, I’m willing to overcome this obstacle. I refuse to allow my education to block the blessing that the Lord has in store for me. I think it’s okay if traditional gender roles do not exist in my home. I’m not willing to lower my standards of what I expect from the man God has placed in my life. Yet, I understand that I may be the one who earns more financially, because of my degree, but I’m willing to support my man, letting him still wear the pants. The days of the Leave it to Beaver lifestyle was great then. But today with the percentage of highly educated Black women who remain single, I don’t think these ideal roles still have a place in the black home.
